When parents separate or divorce, one of the most emotionally charged and legally complex issues is child custody. As a Certified Family Law Specialist with over two decades of experience, I’ve seen firsthand how overwhelming this process can be—especially when the parents disagree about what’s in the best interests of their children, or when one parent’s actions don’t align with those interests.
In this post, I’ll break down the basics of California child custody agreements—what they mean, how they’re created, and what every parent should know.
Legal Custody vs. Physical Custody
In California, every child custody case involves two core rights that, by default under the California Family Code, belong to both parents:
- Legal Custody refers to the right to make important decisions about a child’s health, education, and general welfare. This includes choices about schooling, medical care, extracurricular activities, and religious upbringing.
- Physical Custody refers to where the child lives and which parent is responsible for the child’s day-to-day care.
Both legal and physical custody can be granted to one parent (sole custody) or shared by both parents (joint custody). It’s important to note that joint physical custody does not necessarily mean a 50/50 time split—it simply means both parents have significant periods of physical custody.
Under Family Code § 3020, California courts begin with the assumption that frequent and continuing contact with both parents is in the child’s best interests. However, that presumption is evaluated in light of each family’s circumstances—such as work schedules, educational needs, special medical issues, or any history of domestic violence or substance abuse.
What Does “Best Interests of the Child” Really Mean?
The cornerstone of any California custody determination is the best interests of the child, as outlined in Family Code § 3011. But what does that mean in practice?
Courts consider several key factors, including:
- The child’s age, health, and emotional bond with each parent
- Each parent’s ability to provide a stable and nurturing environment
- The history of caregiving responsibilities
- Any past or present issues involving domestic violence, child abuse, or substance abuse
- Continuity and consistency in the child’s school and community life
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. The court’s goal is to support the child’s health, safety, stability, and overall well-being.
It’s important to understand that unless one parent files a formal request (e.g., a Request for Order, or RFO) for custody and visitation orders, the court will not automatically hold a hearing. Timing and scheduling are entirely dependent on the paperwork submitted. If you don’t ask the court for child custody orders, it may not address the issue until trial.
Can Parents Create Their Own Custody Agreement?
Yes—and in fact, courts encourage parents to develop their own parenting plans when possible. A well-structured child custody agreement or parenting plan can address:
- A regular residential schedule, including weekdays, weekends, holidays, and school breaks
- Transportation and exchange arrangements
- Communication rules and parenting boundaries
- Decision-making responsibilities regarding education, health, religion, and extracurricular activities
Once approved by a judge, this agreement becomes a court order and is fully enforceable. If disputes arise later, the court will default to the terms of the original order and only make changes when necessary to maintain stability and serve the child’s best interests.
Child Custody Mediation in California
When a parent files a motion for child custody or visitation, the court typically requires mandatory mediation through Family Court Services (FCS). In most California counties—such as San Diego—this means both parties must meet with a court-connected mediator (often a licensed mental health professional or counselor).
The purpose of court-ordered mediation is to help parents reach an agreement. If they do, the mediator will prepare a written agreement for the judge to sign.
If no agreement is reached, then—in recommending counties—the mediator will submit custody and visitation recommendations to the court. Judges often adopt these recommendations unless compelling evidence is presented to the contrary at the hearing.
You should also know:
- The mediation and the court hearing are not held on the same day.
- If either parent disagrees with the mediator’s summary or claims no agreement was reached, they may request a further hearing for the court to review custody issues.
In addition to court-connected mediation, parents may voluntarily participate in private child custody mediation or agree to retain a Child Custody Evaluator (often a licensed psychologist) to perform a full assessment and provide a formal report. These services are paid privately by the parties and can be valuable in complex or high-conflict cases.
Modifying Custody Orders
Child custody orders aren’t necessarily permanent. If there is a substantial change in circumstances, a parent can request a modification. Examples include:
- One parent relocating or moving out of state
- Changes in a child’s developmental or medical needs
- A parent’s inability to adhere to the existing parenting schedule
- New concerns regarding abuse, neglect, or substance use
However, courts do not make changes lightly. The parent requesting the modification must demonstrate that the change is in the child’s best interest and that existing orders are no longer workable or appropriate.
Final Thoughts
Custody agreements are more than legal documents—they are parenting blueprints designed to support children through a time of uncertainty. At Genesis Family Law, we help parents create sustainable, realistic, and child-focused agreements that reduce conflict and protect their rights.
Whether you’re just beginning the process or seeking to modify an existing order, I’m here to help you understand your options and take the next step with confidence.
Leslie Abrigo is certified by the Board of Legal Specialization as a Certified Family Law Specialist (CFLS) and a partner of Genesis Family Law in San Diego, California. She helps clients throughout the state navigate divorce, child custody, and complex family law matters with clarity and compassion.